Let’s start at the beginning, about a 100 years ago men used to buy women, then 70 years ago it was arranged by their families, then it was in a community… a small one, not global and as fast paced as ours today. Today things have changed so much that we can meet a person in so many different ways… online, work, travel, and then have life take us a whole different way just as fast.
Most people focus on what they want in a guy – a good job, lots of money, good looking, success.
So then we meet this person – in the beginning it’s really good. You are excited to meet someone new, it feels good, nice things are there, and its all good. Then what happens is we start to judge the other person and see the things that we don’t like…
Following judgement we have expectation … and when we have expectation we want something that isn’t delivered. Whether it be time, love, or gifts, it’s easy to be disappointed.
When you love you don’t judge. When you love, you see what you do to help the other person. Sometimes the way to help the other person is to let go of wanting him to be something that he is not, and just returning to love… and letting go.
You cannot hold onto who doesn’t serve you, what isn’t for you. Instead try to understand what you can learn from it. When you have lack in something … this relationship that is in front of you is going to push your buttons. Today the world is much more complex so this happens more often, we are also more evolved.
Try to find what area you can work on in you and try to heal that so you don’t keep repeating the same lesson.
When a relationship ends, or a guy exits your life, remember you did nothing wrong. You came here to learn and to do better so its just something that you need to learn and move through.
It’s not selfish it’s important to understand that you are just figuring out what you reflect in another. What you want, what you need, each person has different energies. They are just teaching you what you need to know about yourself.
What you want and you don’t want. Even if you love him, thats okay, but knowing it’s not for you, you will know the next relationship even more in a deeper truer way.
When a guy runs away from you, it’s just not for you. It’s not that something is wrong with you, it is just that you came here to grow and learn and be able to let go of what doesn’t stay.
Repeat this affirmation about guys in your life: “I love all of them, and can learn from all of them.” Every time you learn, it is better and better, smarter and richer, but still a relationship is a teacher so it will teach you something.
When you work on yourself and get clear on what you want you will be able to confront a man and tell him exactly what you want, and he will give it. The more you know yourself the more you know what you want, the more you will get that from a guy who is just reflecting it back to you.
You need to see in you, what you want to see in him. Then he will just show up and reflect that.
Try to see someone for who they really are, inside what is good for you. It is work, and everyone has their lesson, you each reflect back what the other has to learn. So nothing is random, and nothing is for no reason.
If it doesn’t work, it’s not for you. but you need to learn something from this relationship about yourself… to get you to the next relationship that you want to experience… the next lesson. By examining, learning, and focusing on you, you can turn the experience around.
It comes from no where. Someone can call you, remember you, remind you. The better it gets, the better it gets. The more you change your focus and energy and try to learn and grow, the richer all the experiences become even if at first they feel hard or sad.
Understanding the process is how you grow and how it touches you, adding to who you are. It is all good. We are here to experience this and to evolve.
RACHEL BENOR 